Pan's Apples

Well, hello, and good day, everyone. My name is Pan. I would like to come outside and play right now, but I can’t because, currently, I am much too busy trying to clean out frogs and all sorts of bugs out from my sock drawers, and from underneath my bed and out from my closet and even from my shoes.

Now, you may be wondering aloud at this very moment, “but, Pan, why do you have frogs and bugs in your sock drawers and underneath your bed and in your closet and even in your shoes?”

Well, my friends, I will tell you why I have frogs and bugs in my sock drawers and underneath my bed and in my closet and even in my shoes. It’s a rather simple story, really, and it all started one day, that is, today, while I was getting ready to eat lunch.

See, for some reason, my mom had just come in the kitchen with bread, and jelly and chips and an apple. She told me that I could eat the bread and the jelly and the chips, but not the apple.

And it’s strange that she said that because I was just about to eat the bread with the jelly to make a sandwich with the chips on the side, but I don’t even like apples, so I wouldn’t have wanted it, anyways. However, when she mentioned it, I suddenly said to myself, “but, Pan! You are full of jelly! If you eat anymore, you will be a Jelly Boy!”

So I made myself some pie. Some apple pie, with the apple that my mom had brought in the kitchen.

It’s odd that this all happened at the time that it did, because it was right about then that I realized that I was not a five-year-old little boy, anymore, and, in fact, I was a six-year-old boy. Also, I did not have any pants on.

So, I said to myself, “Pan! Today is your birthday! But you need to put some pants on.”

And, after I went back to my room, to get my pants, my mom brought me a present, and she said, “happy birthday, Pan!” and she gave me this big box, but she told me not to open it.

Now, I was thinking to myself, “but, Pan, you are full of jelly, and this is wrong!” So I opened the box.

And, what do you know. All these frogs and these bugs came hopping and flying and crawling out and they went everywhere. They got in my sock drawers and under my bed, and in my closet, and even in my shoes!

What I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t leave apples lying around on people’s birthdays and give them boxes full of frogs and bugs and tell them that they can’t open them because it was my present after all and why get me things if I can’t have them?